Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Day 148: Feeling Like A Big Fat Hypocrite!

If you're not into self-deprecation, this entry is not for you. I deserve some self-bashing right now because my intake has been 30% awesome and 70% AWFUL the past week. (::Does math on fingers and hopes 70 + 30 = 100::).

Alrighty. Time for confession... I have been eating terribly lately. Baseball game hot dog, ice cream, Chinese food, fried chicken, Elvis Banh Mon, pizza....Yup, yup, yup, uh-huh-huh, and yup. I've been trying to tell myself that it's OK for me to splurge a little because I am still working my ARSE off with the exercise, but I know it isn't good for me at all. And the splurging a little has become A LOT.
It's been showing on the scale, too. I haven't budged from the 135-137 range. I don't know WHAT is wrong with me, but part of me wants to blame stress, fatigue, and plain old laziness. It's just SO MUCH EASIER to pick up something and then go work out than to take time to prepare a meal and then go work out especially with the end of daylight savings time just around the corner. No wonder the majority of Americans are obese. It's just...easier.

I KNOW FOR A FACT that a lot of what I've eaten lately is total crap, but I do it anyway. My self-control has been tossed out the window especially since Saturday and over the past few weeks, and I need to get it back!!

I'm feeling quite guilty because I have been asking people to donate for my efforts to raise funds for this year's Heart Walk over the past couple of weeks. Since I started working at LIT in 2010, I've been on the LIT Walkers Team  to help raise money for the American Heart Association. As some of you may remember, I mentioned one of the biggest influences to start my journey to tinier pants in the very beginning when I started this blog. That influence was how Nick's mom passed away in 2008 due to what we believe was a heart attack. Ever since then, I have felt the absolute need to promote the education and awareness of healthier living and heart health. How can I promote a good heart health and fitness lifestyle when I am not living one myself?

I also feel like I've been failing at this blog with my entries becoming less and less frequent. I know that life is not ideal right now, and that I am extremely busy, but I know I can accredit the incredible success of losing my first 15 pounds rather quickly to posting my foods to this blog EVERY DAY. Methinks it's time to get back into that habit again. Starting tomorrow, I am photographing all of my food and posting my workouts once more.

Now that I've set new goals for myself and hopefully gotten the gorging myself on food garbage out of my system, it's start to get back on the healthy eating horse and get rid of these last several pounds and reach my goals. I want to be able to ask for donations to the Heart Walk without feeling like a hypocrite! I want to TRULY have to get tinier pants! (The majority of my old pants still fit me, but a WHOLE lot better...no more flesh spilling over!) I want to feel like I've accomplished what I set out to do!!

When I feel like slacking, I need to remember how hard I've worked and how far I've come both on the outside and the inside. I've received a lot of compliments on my weight loss, and I've even been able to fit into my mom's clothes! (She's TINY, so I'm very happy that I don't need to spend money to get more clothes that better fit me!) I need to focus on the BENEFITS that my heart, body, and mind receive when I DON'T SLACK OFF and when I EAT RIGHT. I need to remind myself that I was never able to RUN for more than 2 minutes at a time when I started, and now I can run for 30...on the treadmill....and up and down the stairs of my apartment complex! And I biked 18 miles this past weekend for the first time since April! (When I biked that far in April, it was a total fluke and I was miserable for days after, but this time, I recovered like a champ!) These are all things I NEVER thought would be possible, but THEY WERE and THEY ARE!! Just like anything worth having in this life, I simply had to work for it!

Yes, I've come a long way, but I am not done yet. The journey must go on! I must keep going. Get ready, everybody. I'm back, and there's no stopping me.

---------------------------------------------------------

If you'd like to help me in my efforts to raise funds for the American Heart Association, please click "SPONSOR ME" on the image below this paragraph. I'd like to thank my parents, Tracie W., and Dawn K. for their generous donations! There are 44 days left to donate. I know financial times are tough right now, but any amount would be greatly appreciated! If you cannot or do not want to donate online, please feel free to e-mail me and we can make other arrangements.