Monday, June 2, 2014


I should have posted this three weeks ago, but I couldn't get myself to do it since I'm a sentimental fool. This blog was where it all began, and I feel guilty leaving it. Silly, right? I know it's just some tiny fake space on the vast Internet, but I began my transformation here, and I can't help but feel a bit sad about moving onto something else.

I decided to merge my creative blog and my weight loss blog into one onto Tumblr. You can find my latests posts at  Thanks to everyone who kept track of my posts here on Blogger!

Cheers to being healthy, happy, and creative!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Day 741: One Day at a Time

I decided that I need to get back to doing the best thing that worked for me to shed the pounds the first time by reporting my intake and physical activity daily on this blog. It was and is the most effective way to hold myself accountable for my progress.

I haven't been grocery shopping in almost three weeks, so I ended up eating some wheat crisps I bought for Jud and Frankie's shower over the weekend for breakfast. Not the best choice, but it's all I had with me.

Serving size = 17 crackers.

I got a salad from the little restaurant on the first floor of my office building for lunch.

I snacked on some strawberry Activia a little later.

Like I mentioned yesterday, I had a counselor appointment after work, and I'm thankful I went. 98% of the time, I feel relieved when I leave his office. He has helped me learn how to think through so many of my issues in constructive and cognitive ways that have helped me progress from the terrified girl I used to be. Granted, I still have quite a way to go, but when I focus on how far I've come, I can't help but be happy about that. 

When we discussed my weight gain, I learned a bit about him as well. My counselor used to be very overweight when he was in his mid 30 - mid 40s, but he was able to lose the weight and keep it off by completely giving up fast food and excessive carbohydrates. He said it was some of the best decisions he ever made. 

We did a mental exercise that made me focus on how amazing I felt when I was working out daily and eating healthier a year and a half ago. He told me to try to keep those good feelings in mind when I'm feeling down to remind myself that I'm perfectly capable of accomplishing the healthy success again because I've already done it. So here I am... :)

After my appointment, I ventured to the grocery store on an empty stomach, which I know is a dangerous thing to do, so I stopped at the Starbucks inside the store to order a tall non-fat white chocolate mocha. While it wasn't the best choice, it kept me from going crazy and buying a bunch more junk food I don't need to be putting in my body. 

When I finally got home, I ate some of the organic rotisserie chicken that I bought with some organic whole grain mac and cheese with a bunch of baby spinach. 

I didn't do much physical activity today, though. I danced around my apartment to a couple of songs, and bringing the groceries up three flights of stairs is always a good, tiring workout, but nothing major. I intend to change this tomorrow, but I NEED to begin work on a freelance project tomorrow evening. Perhaps I shall walk during my lunch break. We shall see. I must make time.

I'd like to thank everyone who is still following this journey and show how much I appreciate knowing that some of y'all still believe in me. I've received many comments, messages, and even a heartfelt phone call from friends full of nothing but words of support and encouragement since my previous post of emotional vomit. I can't thank you guys enough. I'm very blessed to know all of you, and I hope you all know that. 

Time for bed. Here's to another day, :) 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Day 740: Emotional Eating, Depression, and Anxiety

Time to lay it all out there. Please bear with me if my thoughts are scattered and I ramble a lot...

I thought I would be back in the swing of having a steady workout routine again by now, but it's been quite the opposite. I lack sleep, I haven't worked out in about three weeks, and I'm eating nothing but junk. And guess what? I've gained more weight. Surprise, surprise. I'm starting to feel like this journey to tinier pants is more like the journey to fail pants...

The last time I wrote a blog entry, I did well for a week. I walked 2.5 miles almost every day during work, and I ate better during that week, but it didn't stick because I got "too busy." I used work and event planning as an excuse to not exercise or go grocery shopping. I haven't been to the grocery store in almost three weeks, so that means I've been buying drive thru garbage like Chick-Fil-A, Schlotzky's pizza, Churches Chicken, Hamburger Depot... AND I've been eating FREE barbecue and all the trimmings with desserts from work. Our church's spring fiesta was this past weekend, so that meant more barbecue. AND I hosted a couple's shower and attended another couple's shower this past Saturday, so guess what...MORE FOOD plus the stress of event planning.

I currently weigh 145 pounds. That's only five pounds below the original weight I was when I started this Journey to Tinier Pants back in April of 2012. It took me seven months to lose 17 pounds, and it took me two years to gain most of it back, but it seems like it came back overnight.

I had six sugar cookies for supper last night, and I ate five more this morning for breakfast. Tonight, while I devoured a fried chicken combo meal from Churches Chicken, I literally felt a sense of relief while I bit into a buttery honey biscuit. It was like all my problems were gone with the bite of this stupid baked piece of flour, sugar, and butter. I am completely disgusted with myself...


I'm stronger and smarter than that!!!!!!

I hate how good these made me feel for 10 minutes.

Obviously, there are underlying issues here. I'm super stressed, and food has been my go-to comfort for the past several months. Thankfully, I have a counselor appointment tomorrow. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I've had very low self-esteem for the majority of my life. A lot of people are surprised to learn this because they tell me I am relatively happy-go-lucky and outgoing, and I know I've been extremely blessed to have it pretty easy in comparison to many others, but it's there, and it can be utterly paralyzing. I've held myself back from too many amazing opportunities because I have a hard time believing in myself. It's gotten better, but it's still there. It's probably going to be a constant battle for me for all my life, and right now, I feel like the anxiety is winning. For now I'm down, but I'm not out.

I KNOW that eating right and exercising were/are the best things I've ever done to control my depression and anxiety, so why am I sabotaging myself by avoiding working out? Why am I so afraid of working toward succeeding? When I think of how I'm failing at this weight loss journey, it just reminds me of ALL the things I've ever failed at or never finished, and it forces me into thinking that I'm not good enough at anything. I often find myself feeling like a disappointment as a daughter, a bad friend, a no-talent designer who doesn't deserve that title, and just selfish or below average and mediocre at everything I do no matter how many compliments I receive. There are people in my life who rely too much on me emotionally, and it can feel like the weight of THEIR world is on my shoulders. I'm just feeling severely overwhelmed right now, and there are only very few things that are keeping me going...

I can only hope and work toward thinking that today is the beginning of another turning point. I joined Planet Fitness since they just opened a new location just a few minutes away from my apartment complex. My friends Liz and Alisa joined with me as well, so I'm hoping to have some workout buddies on occasion, BUT I know that I cannot rely on both of them to go and get my workouts in. I don't want to waste my money on an unused gym membership, so I MUST MAKE TIME TO GO.

I'm so tired of failing over and over again. My poor body feels terrible because I haven't been feeding it properly. I just want my clothes to fit again. I want my stomach not to go out further than my boobs at the end of the day. Why can't I just get off my ass and DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE? I just feel so stuck, and I'm the only person keeping me from getting anywhere..........

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Day I Have No Idea: Lost On This Journey

I am ten days away from the 2nd anniversary of when I started this journey to make changes to live a healthier life.

When I first started this blog, I was able to lose 17 pounds in about seven months, and I felt so amazing! My self-discipline was strong, my motivation moved me, and I inspired others along the way.

But life things happened, and I let them get in the way. I used weather, sicknesses in the family, celebrations with loved ones, vacations, and my new business adventure as excuses to get lazy.


My original goal was to lose 30 pounds from where I started at 150 pounds. The lowest I got was 133 in November of 2012. I wouldn't necessarily call that a failure for not reaching my goal because I felt amazing, and it's probably the healthiest I've ever been in my life. A lot of friends and acquaintances told me that I inspired them to become healthier and make better choices too. I consider that a huge win!

But months later, here I am back at 143 pounds thanks to eating too many rich foods and not moving enough. The failure lies in how I just stopped trying as hard. Yeah, I don't eat nearly as much junk as I used to, and I do bike 11 or 13 miles about two or three times a week, but it's not enough.

Last night, I had slight chest pains for the first time since before I started my journey, and it scared the crap out of me. It was just indigestion, but STILL. It hurt, and I did that to myself by eating too much. I've been too scared to get my cholesterol checked again because I KNOW it probably did not go down since my blood work that was done in February, and I don't want to be on medication if I can help it.

During my last grocery trip, I made much better decisions with my purchases. I bought more fruit and vegetables, and fewer processed foods. I allowed myself ONE sweet treat (some cinnamon rolls) so I wouldn't go insane, and I've been enjoying them in moderation by eating one every two days. I'm working my way back to behaving myself.

What makes us quit and give up? What makes us get too comfortable with ourselves to the point that we don't push to succeed and meet our goals?  Why are so many of us okay with settling with what's easier and more convenient? I don't want to be like that at ALL, so why am I doing these things anyway!?

I'm angry at myself for getting to this point and losing so much progress, but I'm going to make yet another attempt to get back on track. Any and all encouragement is more than welcome with open arms.

I'm tired of starting over, so I must keep going and stay focused. I CAN do this, and I MUST.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Day 670 - Fat February!!! :) & :(

February has been FAT all around. Fattening food, fattening fun, fattening blessings! It sucks because after my last post, I was REALLY good the last couple of weeks of January, and I was able to lose 2 pounds, but all the food that February had to offer was just too tempting, and I gained them back plus one more. I'm currently at 141.8 pounds. :(

I've been a bad eater, exerciser, and blogger this month. As I'm sure most of you know, I turned THIRTY on February 6th! I feel like it's been a month long party!

My wonderful co-workers, Beth & Kim, decorated my office for my big day! We ate a light lunch at one of my favorite places in Beaumont, Katharine & Company. I tried to eat healthier for lunch because I knew I was going to have sushi dinner with Nick and my dad that night.

The Saturday following my birthday, a few of my favorite people and I gathered at Painting with a Twist to have a little birthday fun. I didn't mind the calories for this day, though! Maybe I should have...

Delicious, rich chocolate cake made by my
dear 'sister cousin,' Cici!
I'm so grateful for all my friends who came to Painting with a Twist for my birthday!! It was a wonderful afternoon/evening!!!! 

And THEN Valentine's Day hit only a week later. More food, of course!!! We had a yummy and calorie rich lunch at the Rockin' A Café, and Nick got me some beautiful flowers and some chocolate covered strawberries. We kinda ate them before I got the chance to take a picture, though. 

We had supper that evening with the Larcades and McCrarys, who were in town for the weekend! Not a "typical" Valentine's Day dinner, but I couldn't miss the chance to see Amy & Jimmy. I miss them too much! I was still so full from lunch that I shared an order of fajitas with Nick, and only ate one. 

Eliza's growing so big, and little baby Jed's a brewin'
The following Monday, I had a belated birthday lunch and gift exchange with Angelyn at Cheddar's. MORE FOOD. I tried to make healthier choices at lunch by getting a salad, but it wasn't exactly the healthiest salad (chicken caesar pasta salad) AND Angelyn got me this HUUUGE basket of goodies! 

I love Sully, though!
I was bad all the week of the 17th - 21st. I've been making poor eating choices all month with burgers, chicken strips...  I binged on chicken wings, fried chicken, a cheeseburger, fried okra...  So much for worrying about my cholesterol. :( 

This past weekend (the 22nd), I was invited to celebrate the birthdays of my cousin and his daughters, so guess what...MORE FOOD. Delicious Filipino spaghetti, egg rolls (fried lumpia), rice cakes (puto), rich mashed purple yams (ube), more birthday cake, and pork kabobs... Oy. 

Happy birthday, Kuya Alvin, Mumay,  & Marie!
The ORIGINAL February birthday girls. ;)
Happy birthday to Angelyn & me!
There were days that I made good attempts to eat better this month, but 80% of the time, I was pretty terrible. Here's a bit of the good I captured:

egg white omelet (peppers + spinach + sriracha)
wheat toast + avocado
mashed cauliflower
Recipe rehabbed ziti
Gluten free pasta, spinach, ground turkey,
flaxseeds, skim cheeses
This week I've been trying to eat healthier dinners with skinless chicken and sauteéd spinach. I also bought some ingredients to make some mean green juice, which I need to make soon!

I've barely exercised this month, too. I've been having too much fun, I guess! It was a HUGE surprise for me that he decided to join, but Nick went with me to the hike & bike trail the Saturday after Valentine's Day! We walked about a mile together, and then I decided to jog about 1/2 a mile. My endurance is pretty much dead since I've been slacking off so much in these colder months. 

I walked to the dining hall and had a healthy-ish lunch with my pal Craig last week also. (This is about a mile walk round trip from my office.) I started this new daily sketch project that day too! I'm trying to develop my hand lettering skills, so I'm trying to sketch something about my day every day with letterforms. I hope I can keep it up!

Craig and I agreed to start walking again during lunch when the weather improves. March 9th is SO CLOSE. I can't wait until Daylight Savings time begins again so I can bike after work! I MUST! I miss it so much, and I'm sure I suck at it now. 

I did this workout this evening:

Two years ago, I would have been able to FLY through this workout and feel fantastic when I was done! Tonight, um... I barely made it!! :( The jumping jacks were super easy, but I could only do 10 military pushups, and I had to modify the remaining 10. The sit ups were TORTURE. My stomach cramped so much that I had to downgrade to crunches only after doing 15. The squats were tough, but I pushed through those really well, and the lunges were not pleasant either, but I got through them.  The wall sit was the longest 60 seconds of my day! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I am better than this. I am stronger than this.  

I gotta get out of Fat February and get MOVING in March!!!! So while I'm beyond thankful for all the wonderful blessings, fun, and food I've had this month, I REALLY need to reboot myself and get serious about getting healthy and fit again. I need a swift kick in the ass or something. Oy.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Day 629: A Bloody Reality Check

Anxiety. It cripples me from being a better me and from getting things done. Money is extremely tight, and I'm in the process of really increasing the amount of freelance projects I accept, which means my free time is steadily decreasing as this new year has begun.

I've made a point to eat more vegetables since the holidays ended, but I'm still not doing everything I need to do in order to get back on track. My motivation is so very low these days because I'm just so anxious! The most annoying part to me is that I know that working out will help me decrease my anxiety, and yet I don't do it. What the crap? The more I dwell on this, the more negatively I feel about myself, and the less I want to try.

It's extremely discouraging.

The scariest part of all is that I just had my yearly blood work done, and the results were not good. My cholesterol levels are all high, and I'm very disappointed in myself for letting my self-discipline and healthy habits that I had just a year and a half ago practically die.

A healthy/normal cholesterol level range is between 100 - 199. Mine is 217.
A healthy/normal triglyceride level range is between 0 - 149. Mine is 156.
A healthy LDL (low density lipoprotein aka "bad" cholesterol) level is 0 - 99. Mine is 130.

The funny part is that my main intent to get my blood work done was to get my thyroid levels checked after being off of my hormone therapy for a month. They're normal. That means I can no longer blame my low energy levels and sluggishness on my hypothyroidism. I have nothing to blame but myself for how tired I am because I haven't been taking good care of my body and mind.

So how do I fix it?

I eat better. I exercise. I get enough sleep. 

Why are these three things so "difficult"to do or keep doing? Seeing those high numbers and hearing that my uncle wants to put me on high cholesterol medicine is a big wake up call for me. I refuse to be on medication for something I have control over maintaining.

High cholesterol levels run in my family, so I should know better. Seeing those numbers was the most personal reality check I've been punched in the face with in a long time.

You'd think being surrounded by people who've died from or been affected by heart disease would be enough for me to want to change my ways, but I haven't. I'm really disappointed in myself, but I have GOT to get past that disappointment and make real changes and conquer all these demons.

My thirtieth birthday is approaching fast. I'm giving myself six weeks before I get my blood work done again to see if I can get my cholesterol levels under control without the need of medication. I've got to do this! I know I can do it because I have done it before!

I've got to conquer this blasted anxiety and get back to being healthy. What's stopping me? ME. Stop getting in your own way, Mel. Tinier pants don't matter nearly as much as a healthy heart.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Day 623: A New Day One

Lunch time post! If I don't do this entry this very second, I'll never do it, and I'll just have another thing to regret for the day. We can't have that, now can we?

I haven't blogged since freaking October 5th of last year. Three months. I wasn't much more or less busier than I was when I first started this blog in 2012 either. Sure, it was colder, and the sun went down earlier, and the holidays happened, but what was my REAL excuse? Nothing.

So I've decided to start over again, but not because it's a new year or because I made any resolutions or anything like that. It's just time to finish what I started on April 25th of 2012. It's time to be a healthier and happier person again!

The most I've ever weighed (to my knowledge) was 160 pounds when I lived in College Station. I never intend to get that heavy or be that unhappy ever again. My highest weight during this journey was 150 pounds on April 25th, 2012 when I started. The lowest weight I reached was 133.4 pounds, and that was wayyyy back at week 30 on November 22, 2012. I'm currently back at 141.2 pounds as of last night.

See it. Accept it. Move on, and try again.

Thankfully, I haven't been completely idle over the past few months, but I've been stuck at around 140 pounds since October, which is probably a big part of why I stopped blogging for so long. I would run on the treadmill three nights one week, then skip about two weeks, then go back. I even biked to Subway a couple of times at the end of last year during my lunch hour. The pre-tinier pants blog Melanie would have never done that.

I know I made both horrible and terrific eating decisions between October, my trip with Nick to Burbank, the holidays, and now, but everything I've done has been so inconsistent, and I know that's the biggest reason why I gained.

Free cookies & hot chocolate from
Walt Disney Animation Studios' screening of Frozen
in Burbank, CA
Christmas w/ my parents & Nick
after a big sushi dinner
At the very indulgent & fun annual
Whitlow Christmas party
On the bright side, at least I was able to maintain instead of gain more over the holidays, right? I do still feel very sluggish and awful from eating all the things I've had since the holiday season began in November, though, and I'm pretty relieved that the holidays are done. The only thing I miss is getting to sleep in until 8:30 or 9 every day during the two weeks I had off of work.

My latest favorite healthier eats as of late are sauteed spinach, turkey chili, or roasted Brussels sprouts. It's been very cold for Southeast Texas lately, so eating cold salads just has not been very appealing. If anyone has any ideal/easy/inexpensive warm weather healthier dishes, please feel free to share them!

Brussels sprouts tossed with olive oil, balsamic vinegar,
kosher salt, pepper, and garlic powder.
Bake them at 425°F (218°C) for 25 minutes!
Crock pot turkey chili!
Click this LINK for the recipe.
I don't really like beans, so I didn't add any,
but it was still delicious!
I also got a Keurig on Cyber Monday, so I've
been enjoying lots of green tea. Anyone have any
suggestions to where I can get good, affordable
loose green tea leaves so I don't have to spend
$$$ on K Cup green tea???
I have less than one month until my 30th birthday, and I want my 30's to be the best decade of my life so far. I feel like I'm doing a mediocre job of living my last days as a 20-something, so I must do something to change that! I have a feeling that I've got lots of big changes in store for me this year. Here's hoping that the majority of them are for the better!

Today is a new day one. Let's go.