Day I Have No Idea: Lost On This Journey

I am ten days away from the 2nd anniversary of when I started this journey to make changes to live a healthier life.

When I first started this blog, I was able to lose 17 pounds in about seven months, and I felt so amazing! My self-discipline was strong, my motivation moved me, and I inspired others along the way.

But life things happened, and I let them get in the way. I used weather, sicknesses in the family, celebrations with loved ones, vacations, and my new business adventure as excuses to get lazy.

WHAT HAPPENED?

My original goal was to lose 30 pounds from where I started at 150 pounds. The lowest I got was 133 in November of 2012. I wouldn't necessarily call that a failure for not reaching my goal because I felt amazing, and it's probably the healthiest I've ever been in my life. A lot of friends and acquaintances told me that I inspired them to become healthier and make better choices too. I consider that a huge win!

But months later, here I am back at 143 pounds thanks to eating too many rich foods and not moving enough. The failure lies in how I just stopped trying as hard. Yeah, I don't eat nearly as much junk as I used to, and I do bike 11 or 13 miles about two or three times a week, but it's not enough.

Last night, I had slight chest pains for the first time since before I started my journey, and it scared the crap out of me. It was just indigestion, but STILL. It hurt, and I did that to myself by eating too much. I've been too scared to get my cholesterol checked again because I KNOW it probably did not go down since my blood work that was done in February, and I don't want to be on medication if I can help it.

During my last grocery trip, I made much better decisions with my purchases. I bought more fruit and vegetables, and fewer processed foods. I allowed myself ONE sweet treat (some cinnamon rolls) so I wouldn't go insane, and I've been enjoying them in moderation by eating one every two days. I'm working my way back to behaving myself.

What makes us quit and give up? What makes us get too comfortable with ourselves to the point that we don't push to succeed and meet our goals?  Why are so many of us okay with settling with what's easier and more convenient? I don't want to be like that at ALL, so why am I doing these things anyway!?

I'm angry at myself for getting to this point and losing so much progress, but I'm going to make yet another attempt to get back on track. Any and all encouragement is more than welcome with open arms.

I'm tired of starting over, so I must keep going and stay focused. I CAN do this, and I MUST.

Day 670 - Fat February!!! :) & :(

February has been FAT all around. Fattening food, fattening fun, fattening blessings! It sucks because after my last post, I was REALLY good the last couple of weeks of January, and I was able to lose 2 pounds, but all the food that February had to offer was just too tempting, and I gained them back plus one more. I'm currently at 141.8 pounds. :(

I've been a bad eater, exerciser, and blogger this month. As I'm sure most of you know, I turned THIRTY on February 6th! I feel like it's been a month long party!

My wonderful co-workers, Beth & Kim, decorated my office for my big day! We ate a light lunch at one of my favorite places in Beaumont, Katharine & Company. I tried to eat healthier for lunch because I knew I was going to have sushi dinner with Nick and my dad that night.

The Saturday following my birthday, a few of my favorite people and I gathered at Painting with a Twist to have a little birthday fun. I didn't mind the calories for this day, though! Maybe I should have...

Delicious, rich chocolate cake made by my
dear 'sister cousin,' Cici!

I'm so grateful for all my friends who came to Painting with a Twist for my birthday!! It was a wonderful afternoon/evening!!!! 

And THEN Valentine's Day hit only a week later. More food, of course!!! We had a yummy and calorie rich lunch at the Rockin' A Café, and Nick got me some beautiful flowers and some chocolate covered strawberries. We kinda ate them before I got the chance to take a picture, though. 

We had supper that evening with the Larcades and McCrarys, who were in town for the weekend! Not a "typical" Valentine's Day dinner, but I couldn't miss the chance to see Amy & Jimmy. I miss them too much! I was still so full from lunch that I shared an order of fajitas with Nick, and only ate one. 

Eliza's growing so big, and little baby Jed's a brewin'

The following Monday, I had a belated birthday lunch and gift exchange with Angelyn at Cheddar's. MORE FOOD. I tried to make healthier choices at lunch by getting a salad, but it wasn't exactly the healthiest salad (chicken caesar pasta salad) AND Angelyn got me this HUUUGE basket of goodies! 

SO MUCH CANDYYYY
I love Sully, though!

I was bad all the week of the 17th - 21st. I've been making poor eating choices all month with burgers, chicken strips...  I binged on chicken wings, fried chicken, a cheeseburger, fried okra...  So much for worrying about my cholesterol. :( 

This past weekend (the 22nd), I was invited to celebrate the birthdays of my cousin and his daughters, so guess what...MORE FOOD. Delicious Filipino spaghetti, egg rolls (fried lumpia), rice cakes (puto), rich mashed purple yams (ube), more birthday cake, and pork kabobs... Oy. 

Happy birthday, Kuya Alvin, Mumay,  & Marie!

The ORIGINAL February birthday girls. ;)
Happy birthday to Angelyn & me!

There were days that I made good attempts to eat better this month, but 80% of the time, I was pretty terrible. Here's a bit of the good I captured:

egg white omelet (peppers + spinach + sriracha)
wheat toast + avocado
mashed cauliflower

Recipe rehabbed ziti
Gluten free pasta, spinach, ground turkey,
flaxseeds, skim cheeses

This week I've been trying to eat healthier dinners with skinless chicken and sauteéd spinach. I also bought some ingredients to make some mean green juice, which I need to make soon!

I've barely exercised this month, too. I've been having too much fun, I guess! It was a HUGE surprise for me that he decided to join, but Nick went with me to the hike & bike trail the Saturday after Valentine's Day! We walked about a mile together, and then I decided to jog about 1/2 a mile. My endurance is pretty much dead since I've been slacking off so much in these colder months. 

I walked to the dining hall and had a healthy-ish lunch with my pal Craig last week also. (This is about a mile walk round trip from my office.) I started this new daily sketch project that day too! I'm trying to develop my hand lettering skills, so I'm trying to sketch something about my day every day with letterforms. I hope I can keep it up!

Craig and I agreed to start walking again during lunch when the weather improves. March 9th is SO CLOSE. I can't wait until Daylight Savings time begins again so I can bike after work! I MUST! I miss it so much, and I'm sure I suck at it now. 

I did this workout this evening:

Two years ago, I would have been able to FLY through this workout and feel fantastic when I was done! Tonight, um... I barely made it!! :( The jumping jacks were super easy, but I could only do 10 military pushups, and I had to modify the remaining 10. The sit ups were TORTURE. My stomach cramped so much that I had to downgrade to crunches only after doing 15. The squats were tough, but I pushed through those really well, and the lunges were not pleasant either, but I got through them.  The wall sit was the longest 60 seconds of my day! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I am better than this. I am stronger than this.  

I gotta get out of Fat February and get MOVING in March!!!! So while I'm beyond thankful for all the wonderful blessings, fun, and food I've had this month, I REALLY need to reboot myself and get serious about getting healthy and fit again. I need a swift kick in the ass or something. Oy.

Day 629: A Bloody Reality Check

Anxiety. It cripples me from being a better me and from getting things done. Money is extremely tight, and I'm in the process of really increasing the amount of freelance projects I accept, which means my free time is steadily decreasing as this new year has begun.

I've made a point to eat more vegetables since the holidays ended, but I'm still not doing everything I need to do in order to get back on track. My motivation is so very low these days because I'm just so anxious! The most annoying part to me is that I know that working out will help me decrease my anxiety, and yet I don't do it. What the crap? The more I dwell on this, the more negatively I feel about myself, and the less I want to try.

It's extremely discouraging.

The scariest part of all is that I just had my yearly blood work done, and the results were not good. My cholesterol levels are all high, and I'm very disappointed in myself for letting my self-discipline and healthy habits that I had just a year and a half ago practically die.

A healthy/normal cholesterol level range is between 100 - 199. Mine is 217.
A healthy/normal triglyceride level range is between 0 - 149. Mine is 156.
A healthy LDL (low density lipoprotein aka "bad" cholesterol) level is 0 - 99. Mine is 130.

The funny part is that my main intent to get my blood work done was to get my thyroid levels checked after being off of my hormone therapy for a month. They're normal. That means I can no longer blame my low energy levels and sluggishness on my hypothyroidism. I have nothing to blame but myself for how tired I am because I haven't been taking good care of my body and mind.

So how do I fix it?

I eat better. I exercise. I get enough sleep. 

Why are these three things so "difficult"to do or keep doing? Seeing those high numbers and hearing that my uncle wants to put me on high cholesterol medicine is a big wake up call for me. I refuse to be on medication for something I have control over maintaining.

High cholesterol levels run in my family, so I should know better. Seeing those numbers was the most personal reality check I've been punched in the face with in a long time.

You'd think being surrounded by people who've died from or been affected by heart disease would be enough for me to want to change my ways, but I haven't. I'm really disappointed in myself, but I have GOT to get past that disappointment and make real changes and conquer all these demons.

My thirtieth birthday is approaching fast. I'm giving myself six weeks before I get my blood work done again to see if I can get my cholesterol levels under control without the need of medication. I've got to do this! I know I can do it because I have done it before!

I've got to conquer this blasted anxiety and get back to being healthy. What's stopping me? ME. Stop getting in your own way, Mel. Tinier pants don't matter nearly as much as a healthy heart.

Day 623: A New Day One

Lunch time post! If I don't do this entry this very second, I'll never do it, and I'll just have another thing to regret for the day. We can't have that, now can we?

I haven't blogged since freaking October 5th of last year. Three months. I wasn't much more or less busier than I was when I first started this blog in 2012 either. Sure, it was colder, and the sun went down earlier, and the holidays happened, but what was my REAL excuse? Nothing.

So I've decided to start over again, but not because it's a new year or because I made any resolutions or anything like that. It's just time to finish what I started on April 25th of 2012. It's time to be a healthier and happier person again!

The most I've ever weighed (to my knowledge) was 160 pounds when I lived in College Station. I never intend to get that heavy or be that unhappy ever again. My highest weight during this journey was 150 pounds on April 25th, 2012 when I started. The lowest weight I reached was 133.4 pounds, and that was wayyyy back at week 30 on November 22, 2012. I'm currently back at 141.2 pounds as of last night.

See it. Accept it. Move on, and try again.

Thankfully, I haven't been completely idle over the past few months, but I've been stuck at around 140 pounds since October, which is probably a big part of why I stopped blogging for so long. I would run on the treadmill three nights one week, then skip about two weeks, then go back. I even biked to Subway a couple of times at the end of last year during my lunch hour. The pre-tinier pants blog Melanie would have never done that.

I know I made both horrible and terrific eating decisions between October, my trip with Nick to Burbank, the holidays, and now, but everything I've done has been so inconsistent, and I know that's the biggest reason why I gained.

Free cookies & hot chocolate from
Walt Disney Animation Studios' screening of Frozen
in Burbank, CA

Christmas w/ my parents & Nick
after a big sushi dinner

At the very indulgent & fun annual
Whitlow Christmas party

On the bright side, at least I was able to maintain instead of gain more over the holidays, right? I do still feel very sluggish and awful from eating all the things I've had since the holiday season began in November, though, and I'm pretty relieved that the holidays are done. The only thing I miss is getting to sleep in until 8:30 or 9 every day during the two weeks I had off of work.

My latest favorite healthier eats as of late are sauteed spinach, turkey chili, or roasted Brussels sprouts. It's been very cold for Southeast Texas lately, so eating cold salads just has not been very appealing. If anyone has any ideal/easy/inexpensive warm weather healthier dishes, please feel free to share them!

Brussels sprouts tossed with olive oil, balsamic vinegar,
kosher salt, pepper, and garlic powder.
Bake them at 425°F (218°C) for 25 minutes!

Crock pot turkey chili!
Click this LINK for the recipe.
I don't really like beans, so I didn't add any,
but it was still delicious!

I also got a Keurig on Cyber Monday, so I've
been enjoying lots of green tea. Anyone have any
suggestions to where I can get good, affordable
loose green tea leaves so I don't have to spend
$$$ on K Cup green tea???

I have less than one month until my 30th birthday, and I want my 30's to be the best decade of my life so far. I feel like I'm doing a mediocre job of living my last days as a 20-something, so I must do something to change that! I have a feeling that I've got lots of big changes in store for me this year. Here's hoping that the majority of them are for the better!

Today is a new day one. Let's go.

Days 519-528: It's All a Colorful Blur!

Sorry for the big delay in posts, friends and followers. I've been doing pretty well most of the time the past several days, though.

I was very good LAST week about sticking to the morning workout routines. I did lots of elliptical workouts, and I did some strength training as well.

Squats are your friend.

Last weekend, I got to play in a tiny dodgeball match for work! We had a Students vs. Employees competition, and we (the employees) WON!! I SUCK at throwing the ball, but I was able to catch one and get one girl out.

Was this fun? OH, YES.

Right after the dodgeball, I helped Nick and his sister Christine paint their mom's old bedroom, so that meant MORE upperbody work. I'm surprised I wasn't more sore after last Saturday!

I made a ton of juice last weekend too. I *really* need some detoxing, so I bought myself a bunch of fruits and veggies and got to it.

Forgot to take a pic of the kale!

Mean green 

That should do for a couple of days.

I supplemented one or two meals most of this week with juice, but I still haven't been eating that great. I lucked out and scored THREE free lunches from friends this week, and not all of these meals were healthy.

I *have* been trying to snack healthier, though. I've been bringing grapes, apples, and oranges to work. I also got these fantastic (and filling) fig bars. The serving size is one bar, so I'll eat one in the morning, and one in the afternoon right before I leave work.

My sleep schedule was all wonky this week. I'm not sure why, but I didn't sleep well most nights. I tried to catch up on sleep on Monday and Tuesday, but I was able to do a morning workout on Wednesday when I ran/walked 2 miles in less than 30 minutes!

Again, I've GOT to start waking up earlier so I can fit in 45 minutes to an hour... I'M WORKING ON IT.

On Thursday, I worked up a bit of courage, and I biked in the evening...FROM NICK'S HOUSE to the hike & bike trail! I've *never ever* biked on the road alone before, so I was a wee bit terrified, but I did it! I biked from his neighborhood, over some scary railroad tracks, and onto Phelan to the Hike & Bike where I was able to get just three laps in (6 miles + about a mile or 2 between the trail & Nick's). I wanted to do more, but I also didn't want to bike back to Nick's in the dark, so I chose safety over fitness. I could have called Nick to pick me up, but I wanted to really see what it was like to bike to and from his house first.

After my big scary ride.

A lot of people have asked me how to fold up/unfold my bike. Well, here's a super speedy version of how it works!

Very simple, very easy. I can't say the same for trying to make a video of it while folding, though. Thanks for the help, Nick! And for letting me use your air pump for my tires. :)

On Friday afternoon/evening, I was a TOTAL glutton at an annual event I've attended almost every year since I was a little kid:  THE TEXAS RICE FESTIVAL.

Cajun pistol:  Crawfish, cheese, and other stuff
stuffed into a fried buttery roll

An out-of-focus RICE BALL.
Rice with chili inside, battered, and FRIED, of course.

Nick and I always share some roasted corn.
How flattering is this photo of me!? 

I made plans to meet up with some of my dearest childhood friends whom I've known since Kindergarten. We try to make it a yearly tradition to meet up if we can, but as we all grow older, and our families grow larger, and we move off to new and exciting things, it's more difficult to make these events happen as often as we'd like. I'm so thankful for these girls... They all are such wonderful friends!

2012 Rice Festival (Babies were brewing here)

2013 Rice Festival (Babies have arrived!)

The group changes up a bit every year, but we all still rock our friendships!

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So I don't feel TOOOO guilty about all the food I ate yesterday because I woke up DARK and early this morning to participate in a 5K Fun Run! The Gift of Life Julie Richardson Procter Color Rush was this morning, and I'm so glad that my friend Alicia from work asked me to sign up!

Sorry about the poor quality of these photos. I put my phone in a Ziploc sandwich bag so it wouldn't get messed up by all the cornstarch. I can't wait to see more pictures that everybody else took!

Alicia and me after getting pummeled with YELLOW 

Yay to some colorful, dirty fun!

I got my workout done before noon today! Now I shall do a crapton of laundry and enjoy the rest of my weekend. Happy health to all!

Please click on this meter below to donate to my efforts

 to help raise funds for the American Heart Association:

If you'd rather not donate online, please feel free to contact me at melanie.lanuza@gmail.com, and we can make other arrangements! I've got a LONG way to go to reach my goal in just a little over a month! Please help if you can.

Days 517 & 518: A Good Day, A Skipped Day, & The Pizza Craving From Hell

Tuesday was SOooooooooooooo long.

I woke up later than I wanted to, but I still got a 30 minute elliptical workout done.

Post workout sweaty selfie of a selfie

I had a knotted mishap with my hair before my shower.
Trying to break free from that was NOT fun.

I ate a quick bowl of cereal after my shower, and I headed out the door to work.

Please pardon the dark, crappy photo.
I was on the couch with a little GMA.

I was VERY sore on Tuesday. I mean could barely walk kind of sore. Let's just say I said a few bad words when I had to go up any stairs. I'm probably not drinking enough water. My knees are also bothering me a lot like they did when I first started working out last year. I know this is part of it, so I'm not too concerned.

I made myself a salad for Monday, but since I had an unplanned lunch at Jason's with my mom, I was able to eat the salad I made on Tuesday instead. Same yummy things... Avocado, apple, organic greens, cherry tomatoes, goat cheese, chia seeds... This time I used balsamic vinegar for dressing, though. I also added some skinless chicken that I baked the night before.

Such a cool salad, no?

I wasn't able to finish it, though. It was a lot of salad! I was also able to resist going NUTS on some peanut butter chip cookies that my co-worker Phyllis made. I did have ONE, but I wanted to eat 3!!! I wish I had been disciplined enough to stay away completely, and I'm trying not to dwell on it.

I really do love this whole workout in the morning thing!! It's great to have it DONE first thing, and it's also nice to know that I could always work out AGAIN after work if I am able. 

After work, I went to Fannett for choir practice. I had dinner at my parents' house. I don't know why I've been so forgetful about taking photos of my dinners the past few posts. I suppose I'm still trying to get back into the swing of blogging.

Dinner at my parents' house wasn't exactly healthy either, though. I had 7 fish sticks dipped in ketchup and about 1/4 cup of rice. That rice...it's so hard to escape it with all this Asianness.

I didn't get home from choir practice until 9:30, and I slept WAY later than I should've.

Wednesday, September 23 Day 518

I wasn't able to wake up in time to work out this morning. I was SO tired... I REALLY needed to use the extra hour to sleep. I kept telling myself, "I'll just workout after work. No big deal." Bleh, it never happened today.

I didn't even eat breakfast... I just had a cup of coffee, and I snacked on a piece of wheat toast with peanut butter at around 10 a.m.

I lunched with my dear friends Nicole & Alisa with their baby girls Sarah & Evie. I was relatively good with my lunch, too. I got a salad bar and I asked for some avocado and chicken for my salad.

Bell peppers, avocado, broccoli, organic greens,
apples, chicken, one boiled egg (I didn't finish the yolk),
a tiny spoon of potato salad, red onions with balsamic vinagrette

Again, I was weak and I had 2 ginger/chocolate muffins. Bah.

It was so lovely to have lunch with my friends. I wish it could happen more often, but money is super tight these days. I've really got to cut back on my spending.

I finished my workday pretty strong, and I was productive the rest of the afternoon. I stayed late till around 6, but at around 5:30, all I could think about was a big slice of greasy, buttery, bready, cheesy pizza.

THE THOUGHT OF GREASY, CHEESY PIZZA CONSUMED ME FOR NEARLY 2 HOURS. 

The drive home for me is one of the most difficult times of day craving wise. It'd be SO easy to just stop at a drive thru somewhere, get dinner, and not have to worry about cooking or cleaning up. I'd just eat, and throw the mess in the garbage. 

French fries and burgers are the biggest things I crave on my drive home, but thankfully, I rarely ever act upon these cravings because I remember that I'm getting kind of poor, and I don't want my arteries to harden, clog, and all that other morbid stuff. IT HELPS!

But today, it was pizza. I thought about what toppings I wanted, what kind of crust, and I was trying like mad to remember if I had any coupons for any pizza place.

Sure enough, this was in the mail when I stopped by the mailbox:

Yes. I'm flipping off the pizza coupons
because THIS DID NOT HELP.
Sorry if I offended anyone. haha

Seriously, y'all. I went to pizzahut.com and filled out an order form for my $10 pizza. It was a medium with hand tossed crust topped with onions, anchovies, pepperoni, mushrooms, and light on the sauce. I almost bought garlic parmesan wings with it too since it's $.50 wing Wednesday. EFF YOU, PIZZA HUT AND YOUR EVIL GREASY GARBAGE TEMPTRESS FOOD. 

I just stared at it for a while...ready to push "ORDER" at any time. 

Then suddenly, it was gone. The craving passed, so I had to post about it.

I'm so thankful for the support. Y'all just don't even know.

Now I'm very happy that I didn't order the pizza, and that I got to keep my $15 for something else. Good grief. If I put ALL that passion and energy into something else BESIDES craving food, imagine the amazing things I could be doing with my life. I feel pretty pathetic when this kind of crap happens.

But on a happier note, here's the healthier/less expensive pizza I cooked for myself this evening:

Naan with spinach, tomato,
1 slice of lower sodium bacon, Italian seasoning,
marinara, and skim mozzarella.
I sprayed the "crust" with some olive oil
cooking spray.

It was WAY tastier than Pizza Hut, too!

If I find wheat naan, this might become a regular thing. 'Twas quite tasty.

I'm not happy that I skipped my workout today and decided to watch two episodes of Breaking Bad instead, BUT I fully intend to get back to it tomorrow morning now that I realize how icky I feel when I don't work out to start out my day. This is exactly where I want to be mentally for now, and I'm thankful.

It'll be a while before I shed major pounds, and I know I need to increase my dedication. I'm slower this time around, but I feel like I'm getting there.

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Please click on this meter below to donate to my efforts

 to help raise funds for the American Heart Association:

If you'd rather not donate online, please feel free to contact me at melanie.lanuza@gmail.com, and we can make other arrangements! I've got a LONG way to go to reach my goal in just a little over a month! Please help if you can.

Thanks to my friends at choir practice last night who bought $1 paper hearts from me for the AHA! I love you guys!

Goodnight, everyone. :)