Anxiety. It cripples me from being a better me and from getting things done. Money is extremely tight, and I'm in the process of really increasing the amount of freelance projects I accept, which means my free time is steadily decreasing as this new year has begun.
I've made a point to eat more vegetables since the holidays ended, but I'm still not doing everything I need to do in order to get back on track. My motivation is so very low these days because I'm just so anxious! The most annoying part to me is that I know that working out will help me decrease my anxiety, and yet I don't do it. What the crap? The more I dwell on this, the more negatively I feel about myself, and the less I want to try.
It's extremely discouraging.
The scariest part of all is that I just had my yearly blood work done, and the results were not good. My cholesterol levels are all high, and I'm very disappointed in myself for letting my self-discipline and healthy habits that I had just a year and a half ago practically die.
A healthy/normal cholesterol level range is between 100 - 199. Mine is 217.
A healthy/normal triglyceride level range is between 0 - 149. Mine is 156.
A healthy LDL (low density lipoprotein aka "bad" cholesterol) level is 0 - 99. Mine is 130.
The funny part is that my main intent to get my blood work done was to get my thyroid levels checked after being off of my hormone therapy for a month. They're normal. That means I can no longer blame my low energy levels and sluggishness on my hypothyroidism. I have nothing to blame but myself for how tired I am because I haven't been taking good care of my body and mind.
So how do I fix it?
I eat better. I exercise. I get enough sleep.
Why are these three things so "difficult"to do or keep doing? Seeing those high numbers and hearing that my uncle wants to put me on high cholesterol medicine is a big wake up call for me. I refuse to be on medication for something I have control over maintaining.
High cholesterol levels run in my family, so I should know better. Seeing those numbers was the most personal reality check I've been punched in the face with in a long time.
You'd think being surrounded by people who've died from or been affected by heart disease would be enough for me to want to change my ways, but I haven't. I'm really disappointed in myself, but I have GOT to get past that disappointment and make real changes and conquer all these demons.
My thirtieth birthday is approaching fast. I'm giving myself six weeks before I get my blood work done again to see if I can get my cholesterol levels under control without the need of medication. I've got to do this! I know I can do it because I have done it before!
I've got to conquer this blasted anxiety and get back to being healthy. What's stopping me? ME. Stop getting in your own way, Mel. Tinier pants don't matter nearly as much as a healthy heart.
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