Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Day I Have No Idea: Lost On This Journey

I am ten days away from the 2nd anniversary of when I started this journey to make changes to live a healthier life.

When I first started this blog, I was able to lose 17 pounds in about seven months, and I felt so amazing! My self-discipline was strong, my motivation moved me, and I inspired others along the way.

But life things happened, and I let them get in the way. I used weather, sicknesses in the family, celebrations with loved ones, vacations, and my new business adventure as excuses to get lazy.


My original goal was to lose 30 pounds from where I started at 150 pounds. The lowest I got was 133 in November of 2012. I wouldn't necessarily call that a failure for not reaching my goal because I felt amazing, and it's probably the healthiest I've ever been in my life. A lot of friends and acquaintances told me that I inspired them to become healthier and make better choices too. I consider that a huge win!

But months later, here I am back at 143 pounds thanks to eating too many rich foods and not moving enough. The failure lies in how I just stopped trying as hard. Yeah, I don't eat nearly as much junk as I used to, and I do bike 11 or 13 miles about two or three times a week, but it's not enough.

Last night, I had slight chest pains for the first time since before I started my journey, and it scared the crap out of me. It was just indigestion, but STILL. It hurt, and I did that to myself by eating too much. I've been too scared to get my cholesterol checked again because I KNOW it probably did not go down since my blood work that was done in February, and I don't want to be on medication if I can help it.

During my last grocery trip, I made much better decisions with my purchases. I bought more fruit and vegetables, and fewer processed foods. I allowed myself ONE sweet treat (some cinnamon rolls) so I wouldn't go insane, and I've been enjoying them in moderation by eating one every two days. I'm working my way back to behaving myself.

What makes us quit and give up? What makes us get too comfortable with ourselves to the point that we don't push to succeed and meet our goals?  Why are so many of us okay with settling with what's easier and more convenient? I don't want to be like that at ALL, so why am I doing these things anyway!?

I'm angry at myself for getting to this point and losing so much progress, but I'm going to make yet another attempt to get back on track. Any and all encouragement is more than welcome with open arms.

I'm tired of starting over, so I must keep going and stay focused. I CAN do this, and I MUST.