Anxiety. It cripples me from being a better me and from getting things done. Money is extremely tight, and I'm in the process of really increasing the amount of freelance projects I accept, which means my free time is steadily decreasing as this new year has begun.
I've made a point to eat more vegetables since the holidays ended, but I'm still not doing everything I need to do in order to get back on track. My motivation is so very low these days because I'm just so anxious! The most annoying part to me is that I know that working out will help me decrease my anxiety, and yet I don't do it. What the crap? The more I dwell on this, the more negatively I feel about myself, and the less I want to try.
It's extremely discouraging.
The scariest part of all is that I just had my yearly blood work done, and the results were not good. My cholesterol levels are all high, and I'm very disappointed in myself for letting my self-discipline and healthy habits that I had just a year and a half ago practically die.
A healthy/normal cholesterol level range is between 100 - 199. Mine is 217.
A healthy/normal triglyceride level range is between 0 - 149. Mine is 156.
A healthy LDL (low density lipoprotein aka "bad" cholesterol) level is 0 - 99. Mine is 130.
The funny part is that my main intent to get my blood work done was to get my thyroid levels checked after being off of my hormone therapy for a month. They're normal. That means I can no longer blame my low energy levels and sluggishness on my hypothyroidism. I have nothing to blame but myself for how tired I am because I haven't been taking good care of my body and mind.
So how do I fix it?
I eat better. I exercise. I get enough sleep.
Why are these three things so "difficult"to do or keep doing? Seeing those high numbers and hearing that my uncle wants to put me on high cholesterol medicine is a big wake up call for me. I refuse to be on medication for something I have control over maintaining.
High cholesterol levels run in my family, so I should know better. Seeing those numbers was the most personal reality check I've been punched in the face with in a long time.
You'd think being surrounded by people who've died from or been affected by heart disease would be enough for me to want to change my ways, but I haven't. I'm really disappointed in myself, but I have GOT to get past that disappointment and make real changes and conquer all these demons.
My thirtieth birthday is approaching fast. I'm giving myself six weeks before I get my blood work done again to see if I can get my cholesterol levels under control without the need of medication. I've got to do this! I know I can do it because I have done it before!
I've got to conquer this blasted anxiety and get back to being healthy. What's stopping me? ME. Stop getting in your own way, Mel. Tinier pants don't matter nearly as much as a healthy heart.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Day 623: A New Day One
I haven't blogged since freaking October 5th of last year. Three months. I wasn't much more or less busier than I was when I first started this blog in 2012 either. Sure, it was colder, and the sun went down earlier, and the holidays happened, but what was my REAL excuse? Nothing.
So I've decided to start over again, but not because it's a new year or because I made any resolutions or anything like that. It's just time to finish what I started on April 25th of 2012. It's time to be a healthier and happier person again!
The most I've ever weighed (to my knowledge) was 160 pounds when I lived in College Station. I never intend to get that heavy or be that unhappy ever again. My highest weight during this journey was 150 pounds on April 25th, 2012 when I started. The lowest weight I reached was 133.4 pounds, and that was wayyyy back at week 30 on November 22, 2012. I'm currently back at 141.2 pounds as of last night.
See it. Accept it. Move on, and try again.
Thankfully, I haven't been completely idle over the past few months, but I've been stuck at around 140 pounds since October, which is probably a big part of why I stopped blogging for so long. I would run on the treadmill three nights one week, then skip about two weeks, then go back. I even biked to Subway a couple of times at the end of last year during my lunch hour. The pre-tinier pants blog Melanie would have never done that.
I know I made both horrible and terrific eating decisions between October, my trip with Nick to Burbank, the holidays, and now, but everything I've done has been so inconsistent, and I know that's the biggest reason why I gained.
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| Free cookies & hot chocolate from Walt Disney Animation Studios' screening of Frozen in Burbank, CA |
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| Christmas w/ my parents & Nick after a big sushi dinner |
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| At the very indulgent & fun annual Whitlow Christmas party |
My latest favorite healthier eats as of late are sauteed spinach, turkey chili, or roasted Brussels sprouts. It's been very cold for Southeast Texas lately, so eating cold salads just has not been very appealing. If anyone has any ideal/easy/inexpensive warm weather healthier dishes, please feel free to share them!
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| Brussels sprouts tossed with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, kosher salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Bake them at 425°F (218°C) for 25 minutes! |
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| Crock pot turkey chili! Click this LINK for the recipe. I don't really like beans, so I didn't add any, but it was still delicious! |
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| I also got a Keurig on Cyber Monday, so I've been enjoying lots of green tea. Anyone have any suggestions to where I can get good, affordable loose green tea leaves so I don't have to spend $$$ on K Cup green tea??? |
I have less than one month until my 30th birthday, and I want my 30's to be the best decade of my life so far. I feel like I'm doing a mediocre job of living my last days as a 20-something, so I must do something to change that! I have a feeling that I've got lots of big changes in store for me this year. Here's hoping that the majority of them are for the better!
Today is a new day one. Let's go.
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